Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
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