ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
