I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Randomize
