Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
even my farts smell like vagina
worst night to have a conscience
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize
