oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
