Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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