Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
