Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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