we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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