Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
