how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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