I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
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She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
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He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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