fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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