Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Randomize
