I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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