you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
