You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Randomize
