I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize
