Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Randomize
