I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
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