i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
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