she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
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