So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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