She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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