Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
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