shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Randomize
