If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
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