What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
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