But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize