You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
