its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Randomize
