Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
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