i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
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