The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
