Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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