i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Randomize
