our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
