period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
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