we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Randomize
