Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
I think my moral compass just broke
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
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