Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize