Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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