I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
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