i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
