that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Randomize
