We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
