Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
