I must be too annoying 4 u.
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Randomize
