My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
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