He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
