dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
