lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
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why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
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Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax