I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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