Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit