..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"