what day is it and did you see me today?
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
He passed out mid-signature
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is