He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
I got my gum stuck on his balls.