Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
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