The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.