I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
