On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I'm way too hungover for life right now
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
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