You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Randomize
