Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
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