cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
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