My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Randomize
