Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
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