I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
