my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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