The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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