Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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