my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Randomize