Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Randomize
