i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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