He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
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