I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
We're too hungover to prance.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
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