Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
I wish there were birth control emojis
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
