matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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