she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.