I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge