So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?