but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
21 Of The Most Regrettable Tattoo Ideas Ever
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
These 25 People Had Very Inappropriate Sexual Relations(hips)
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night