Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
areolas are like halos for boobs.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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