just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
