its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
