So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Randomize
