A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Randomize
