I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
What changed your mind?
Being sober
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
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