Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
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