You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
it's like iHOP with fire
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize
