i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
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