We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Randomize
